The simple answer is: I don’t know!
First things first… a little background about me. Not too long ago, I had a job that I loved more than anything. I think that was part of the reason I stand here today… baffled. It was more than a job. It was a calling; a mission. I was good at it! People loved me! I was a kids and youth pastor for 12 years. I put it before everything, even God himself!
I took a church with a failing kids and youth program and turned it around. Over a period of 12 years I saw hundreds of kids and teenagers grow into young adults with families. Some of them even went into ministry themselves because of me! I know now that I wasn’t the reason but my ego was BIG!
Fast forward… 2 years ago the senior pastor’s son graduated from bible college and wanted to be a kids and youth pastor. He also wanted to serve his dad in ministry. So guess where I ended up? That’s right… unemployed. The funny thing is, he moved away again 1 year after
serving at his dad’s church. Am I mad about how I was treated? I was, but the bigger picture is unfolding and it’s going to be better than I ever dreamed. It’s no longer about me. It’s about my Savior; yes it’s about Jesus.
I can’t say I would have done anything any different if I was in charge and my son or daughter came and told me that he wanted to serve alongside me in ministry. Besides, I needed a major spiritual overhauling.
I spent months wrestling with God. I was praying for His will but doing my own thing. He knew what I needed. He broke me… in a way I have never been broken. It hurt. I cried… a lot. (If you’re wondering: Real men do cry). I spent months in the wilderness, alone or so I thought. I know know that my loving Father was with me the entire time.
Friends I thought I had were no where to be found. I got myself involved in some serious 12 step work. It broke me even more. I surrendered… things continued to get worse. I realize now the first attempt at surrender was me trying to trick God. Like an omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent wouldn’t see through my attempts at deception. (I used 3 words I learned in bible school. I feel good now.)
I prayed harder and hurt more. Somewhere along the way His love changed me. He keeps leading me, I keep doing the next right thing, miracles keep happening! It’s just like that for me now.
Almost 2 years later He has my attention. I feel Him, guiding me, leading me; very carefully, back into ministry. This is my ministry and what it will become is His plan, not mine. For now he has me on a need to know basis. Quite honestly, I’m good with that!
-Michael at R2W