The first thing you need to determine is who you are now. This may seem like an easy task at first and it should be easy, but I believe that there has been so much confusion about who or what a person should be, that they might be unable to define who they are. The good news is that after a short time, it will become easier to answer the question: Who are you? Once you are able to answer this question clearly and truthfully, it will be easier for you to determine who you want to become.
I have found that who you are now is based on many different factors; the most important being your beliefs, experiences, decisions and personal expectations. Let’s take a look at each one of these individually. We will see in a minute that they are all related.
- Beliefs: What you believe has an enormous impact on your actions and therefore who you are. If you believe you are successful, then you are. If you believe you can’t be successful, then you never will be.
- Experiences: Every experience – good, bad or even neutral – plays a significant role in who you have become up to this point in your life.
- Decisions: Every decision you have ever made has had a direct impact on where you are in your life today, even the small, insignificant ones.
- Personal Expectations: You will only go as far as you expect to; things can only get as good as you expect. They can also become as bad as you expect.
All of these components of who you are now, have been formed throughout your lifetime by experiences, both good and bad. They come from things that have happened to you. They are things that you allowed or things that were against your will. Everything that has happened in your life shapes who you are at this moment and as you can see from the diagram below that it is all related:
The chart above may at first look very complicated and intimidating, but it is actually quite simple. What I am trying to convey is the fact that who you are today has been influenced by the above components of your life. Once you understand it, it will be good news.
Let’s use as an example, somebody’s health, and we’ll look at it from both positive and negative perspectives. Let’s look at the negative first. Suppose as a child, your parents were always expecting you to catch the measles or come down with the latest strain of the flu virus. As a young, impressionable child you tended to believe your parents (personal expectations). Since you “knew” you were going to get sick, you figured why wash your hands or take any other precautions (decisions). What happened? You got sick (experiences)! Over time you began to think that it was only normal to get sick (beliefs). It was only natural that you would begin to expect yourself to continue to be sick (personal expectations, again). We could continue to go around and around this chart, as so many people do in real life, with each step strengthening the expectations, decisions, experiences and beliefs all the way through to adulthood where, today, you have a constant struggle to stay healthy.
You may on the other hand, have had a much more positive experience. You may have had parents who taught you that you were meant to be healthy and that your body wasn’t meant to get sick (personal expectations). So, what did you do? You washed your hands before eating; you ate foods that strengthened your body (decisions). Because of this, you usually were healthy and you began to see the results of your actions (experiences). So, you began to expect yourself to stay healthy (beliefs). This in turn strengthened your personal expectations. Like the negative example, we can go around and around the chart to your health today; which I expect is good.
I know this to be true from personal experience, as well as from watching other people. As an adult I rarely get sick and my two children are the same. This is true despite being exposed to the same “hazards” as any other people. I can see it everywhere I go. Those who expect sickness, get sickness. It is the same with every other area of your life. Following this program will help you interrupt this pattern from all four directions. You will change your personal expectations, decisions, experiences and beliefs simultaneously.
Another important, but difficult, way to find out about yourself is to simply ask someone. I know it’s hard. I know it may be embarrassing. Do it anyway! I am sure that there are many people who will stop reading here because of this simple request. Those who get beyond their pride and ego will learn a great deal about themselves.
Who should you ask? Some good choices for this activity are those who know you very well. Try to find someone who knows about most aspects of your life. Someone who knows you personally, professionally and spiritually would work best. You should try to find someone who knows about your family situation too. Don’t use your spouse, unless your relationship can handle a little honesty and criticism. A friend, family member, or possibly someone from your church, may work. Let them think about the answers before responding. This will give you the best results. After this is completed you will have a “snap shot” of yourself. What do you think?
Do you like who you are?
If you do, that’s great, but I am sure that there are areas in your life that need changing or improving, otherwise this article wouldn’t have interested you.
If you don’t like the results, then you are in the right place. I suspect that most people, who have been honest with themselves up to this point, will fall into the latter.
Remember, if you fall into the second category, stick with it, things will improve. You will probably need to change
one or more of the aspects of who you are now (beliefs, experiences, decisions and personal expectations). This will in turn cause even more positive changes in your life. It is called interrupting your pattern and you can learn to do it if you work at it. For now, let me give you a quick way to interrupt the negative patterns in your life so that you can begin right away. It starts by visualizing the behavior that you don’t like or that you want to change. While you have that visualization going on in your mind, create a second scene with the behavior you do want. Make the good behavior or scenario come down from the sky, crashing onto and crushing the old undesirable behavior. It sounds complicated, because experts have made it so, but just practice and you you’ll get it!
Michael at R2W
Help Renewed2Win show everyone a better way to live! All support goes directly to helping people achieve real success no matter what the future brings.